WP has become too triggering for me. It’s not other people’s posts that cause me issues. It’s more that when I comment on someone’s post they don’t reply. They don’t even like it…
I know that people are going through their own stuff and I really do get that, I’ve been there myself when you just don’t have the energy for anything but to write your own blog. But when they can manage to comment on another persons comment, like or comment on another persons post it hurts. I just can’t be doing with it anymore. It makes me feel invisible, like I don’t matter and that’s what’s hurting me.
If anyone wishes to keep in touch I’ll be keeping the email attached to WP active.
This might not be goodbye forever on here. I’m not deleting my blog I’m just not going to use the site at all.
I wish you all the very best on your journeys and thank you for the support I’ve been shown here.
Over and out xxx
… that there was someone who is always on my side. Unequivocally, regardless of whether I’m right or wrong.
It’s so hard to realise just how alone I am.
This is a quick post as the internet is intermittent here! I just wanted to share a few photos. I am trying to keep up with blogs but we are in the middle of nowhere and pages don’t always load. I’m missing my WP friends ❤️
I’m currently on holiday in Scotland. I’m with my partner, my sister and her partner and my mum. I felt a bit wobbly yesterday, a bit squashed being in close quarters with everyone despite them being family. I also get homesick easily. Just missing the familiarity of my own little area of the world. But I am ok!
Scotland is beautiful. It’s so overwhelmingly beautiful. I could just stare at these views forever and it would never be enough.
I turn 34 in 6 days. My gift to myself is knowledge and an eventual career change.
I am now a university student! I am so proud of myself, I have a goofy grin on my face just writing this! I am doing a BSc in Psychology, an actual degree! Me! This is so huge for me. I’ve always felt stupid and I have a habit to silently measure my success against others, minimising my own accomplishments and strengths. The degree is going to take 6 years because I also need to work as well as study. There is the possibility of it taking slightly less time depending on how I manage the time juggle.
My plan is to become a therapist eventually. I will be able to do this on a self employed basis which is preferable as I’m self employed at the moment doing elderly home care.
This is a tentative idea as things can change over time but for now it feels good to have a plan in place and an eventual goal in mind.
I’ve been looking at possible therapists and one, in particular, has stood out. However, I am absolutely terrified of starting therapy after the fiasco with T. I didn’t realise how much hurt I was still holding until I almost started crying when looking through the possible therapist’s website. I also feel extremely hostile towards therapy in general and I’m worried that I’ll go to a session still holding on to all this anger and hurt that’s directed at T but may spill over and upset another potential therapist.
It’s never easy, is it?!
Life is becoming a bit murky again. Nothing has happened but I can feel the difference in myself. I’m not depressed, but I can sense it in the background. That insidious feeling creeping up on me.
I think it’s partly to do with just feeling generally worn out. I’ve been working for a couple of months and I haven’t had any extended time off. I feel a bit pathetic because I only work 20/24 hours a week. I have weekends off although they are usually taken up by household chores, seeing people and are just generally hectic. The thing is with me is that my mental health erodes quickly when I don’t have enough down time. But in this day and age everyone is expected to work hard and manage. I find adulting hard!
Luckily I have two weeks off mid September. One of those weeks is being spent in Scotland on holiday with my partner, my mum, my sister and her partner. Plus all the dogs, my two and their two! It should be semi relaxing although I don’t relax fully away from home. But we are staying in the middle of nowhere, where there are amazing views and nature, plus we have our own hot tub. Which will be divine. I just need to hold out until then.
My blog is a year old today. I’d like to thank all of my followers for walking this path with me. I appreciate each and everyone of you.
I’ve met some really inspiring people on WordPress. People who have helped me, made me laugh, cry, feel happy to be alive.
Thank you all so much for your words of comfort and encouragement.
With love ❤️